It Really is a Good Friday - Laughter is Contagious

Sitting in a continental European airport lounge, having worked on Good Friday (I think for the first time in my full working life) at 20.15 - waiting for a cowboy time flight (10 to 10 - get it?).... I couldn't feel better about life.

Yes I would like to have been at home today with my family.  Of course a drive from Heathrow to the North West until 3am is not my idea of fun.  Airports are lonely old places at the best of times - but tonight this place is positively ghostly.  Yes I made it to the airport in time to catch the earlier flight only to be told my ticket was non transferable so I had 3 hours waiting or a £300 transfer (3 hours will be fine thanks).  No, the lack of a really good night's sleep whilst travelling this week has not left me feeling the most spritely I have ever felt - a tad shattered really.

But you know what? Life is great. Time is short - and I have too much to do to get down about these minor things.  Richard Carlsson said "Don't sweat the small stuff." How right he is.  This weeks' project has gone well and I've been with great people.  The programme was well received - and I delivered a course for the first time with a live translator in some people's ears.  I felt like a speaker at the UN or the European Parliament.

And besides - when I wake up tomorrow morning in my own bed with a roof over my head - my daughter will be stood there smiling the best smile in the world.  My son will want to play lightsabre fights (nothing better) and my wife will take pity on my tired form and make me a lovely cup of coffee delivered with a kiss (I hope!).  And all will be right with the world.

I realise this blog is totally cliche'd and sentimental when compared with others I tend to write - but you know what.  I don't care.  Its time I indulged myself a little.

How can you learn anything from this?  Go and make your long weekend count.  Life is great - time is short.  What can you look forward to and be grateful for?  Its easy when you're prepared to look.  And if that isn't enough for you - take a look at this video for absolute evidence that emotions are contagious - what effect are you having on people around you?  Are you a drain or a radiator?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeauvE1M7qc

I Love it When a Plan Comes Together...

Isn't it great when an experiment goes well?  I realise the idea of an experiment is actually to test a hypothesis.  Sometimes though, I run live experiments with an audience on a hypothesis I know to be true and its always nice when the point is demonstrated with gusto.

I ran a conference recently with a session focused on innovative and creative problem solving.  This is a huge topic these days, with organisations looking to drive efficiency, productivity and ultimately the bottom line and having to find different ways to achieve that because existing patterns of thought have been exhausted.

To shift our patterns of thought, in order to drive different ideas to better solve an issue, its important that people have the right mindset and that the environment (including the social aspects of that environment) allow them to 'just go with it' without fear.  The great thing is that both can be worked upon.

I ran a game of word association with two willing volunteers, in front of an audience of 150, with penalties for 'failure' (remember Mallet's Mallet?).  The point to make was that it becomes very difficult to shift those patterns of thought with that kind of 'pressure'.  For the record, other types of pressure may actually help the process...

Somehow, one of the competitors (interesting word given the competitive pressure we added) managed to bring the game back to one particular word 4 times out of 7 games.  The word was 'hard' (Cue immature giggling from the audience each time).  He just couldn't get his mind away from that word and any opportunity to associate back to it, no matter how spurious the connection, was taken.  His mind was locked into a certain pattern and a big part of that was down to the ' social pressure' of the situation.

Release the social pressure on people to always be 'right' and then, with other tools to hand, creative solutions can start to flow. After the 4th time, he finally stood up and said - "OK point proven".

"I love it when a plan comes together." Hannibal - The A Team.

Praise & Chips, Giving is not just for Christmas...

What is Christmas really about?

PRESENTS!!! I hear my 5 year old daughter shout - and receiving them no doubt.

According to my very loose, non academic piece of research (which consists of just asking a load of people) tells me; if you ask an adult that same question their answer is also likely to be 'presents' - this time though - GIVING them.

There is no doubt that as a kid I just couldn't wait to open that present under the tree. Nowadays I am more excited about a great present I have bought someone.  I cant wait for them to open it and see the look on their face...  Giving is receiving.  Give something that is really appreciated and you receive more than any present could provide.

This was demonstrated by the actions of my 2 year old son at a birthday party. I was filming as he sat with the other kids eating their party tea.  He reached over to his neighbour's plate to pick up a chip when he had finished his own.  I thought I was going to have filmed evidence of daylight robbery.  He did something that caught me by surprise.  He lifted the chip off the plate and held it out to feed her.  A small, insignificant act of kindness.  (It didn't even cost him one of his own chips!!)

She gave him the biggest smile I have ever seen and he looked up to the camera and did the same.  In her he had a fan for life (if not certainly the rest of the party as she stuck to him like glue!)  He still talks to me about it today.  In that small act, at just 2 years old, he learnt more about how to engage with people AND feel good about yourself than anything I could ever teach him.  Giving is receiving.

The nice thing is - Giving doesn't have to cost a fortune.

Praise is something you can give.  Try giving someone a really specific, appropriate and timely piece of praise and see what it does for them.  More importantly, see what it does for you.  Just like giving a great gift - it feels wonderful.  Your esteem will grow, your influence will grow and your mark on the world will in some small way too.

Giving is not just for Christmas, its for life.

Ridiculed, Opposed... Pioneers Need a Little Resilience

Pioneers are few and far between.  Rosa Parks and the civil rights movement.  Steve Jobs combining beauty and technology.  Cliff Young running without sleep for days.

All of these, and more, had to endure what most pioneers have to put up with.  When they want to change the norm - to upset the status quo, others around them go through an interesting process.  The same could be said of any organisation or team going through change.  Think of a football club going through a 'transitional' period and changing the way they play.  Think of a business implementing a new system.  All change comes up against people who's view of the world is somehow threatened by it.

Change is often at first ridiculed.  People laugh and mock.  That will never work; It will never last; It will never catch on; Said with a smirk, a smile and a condescending tone.

When ridicule hasn't put the pioneer off, then nay-sayers turn to opposition - the extremity of which will depend on how seriously and significantly they believe this change will affect their world.  That opposition can even turn violent.

If the pioneer persists and their approach appears to pay dividends, people then start to accept that change as the norm.  Some come along more quickly than others - some refuse to ever reach the third stage, doggedly sticking to their guns (sometimes literally).

This short video highlights one (less extreme) example.  Roger Bannister ran the first sub 4 minute mile.  Listen out for the comment by the (very BBC sounding) commentator about half way through...  In order to do what many thought impossible, it required a 'pioneering' approach.  Bannister suffered ridicule and criticism for his training and racing methods.  His methods soon became accepted as the norm though.

Bannister's day in the wind and rain

Next time you are pushing the boundaries, be prepared for a bit of ribbing, then some opposition.  With a little resilience, soon you too will help others to accept it as the norm.

Is it our eyesight or is it our focus?

Sport can be a very interesting representation of life in a wider sense.

An old friend of mine once told me an interesting story of his long running battle with chipping from around the green in golf.

He was suffering from a total breakdown in his action once he came within 20 yards of the green itself, fluffing, thinning and duffing shots and this became a downward spiral that began to depress him whenever he even thought about the game.

I remember a round when he had chipped surprisingly well.  He was discussing it in the bar after and couldn’t put his finger upon why he felt more confident during the round.  That evening he discovered that he had been wearing the wrong glasses that day.  He usually wore a certain pair for golf but had forgotten them.  There was his answer.  He felt more confident because actually he could see the ball better with his other glasses.

Easy and logical.

Sometime later he was playing a round and chipping the ball beautifully.  One thing was strange though.  At the end of the round he discovered he was wearing his original glasses that had been causing him problems.  This came as a shock.

It appeared therefore that the equipment wasn’t at fault, just his confidence!

We can be fooled by our own potential; and often are.  When I began this business I left a ‘secure’ job.  One thing that had held me back for too long was the sense of security I had in my monthly wage.  Interestingly, that sense of security was misplaced.  If I hadn’t sold anything my job would have been under very real threat.  The money was my metaphorical pair of glasses.  Once removed, I realized it had only affected my perspective, not the actual facts.

We need to take those glasses off every now and then and realise that it isn’t our eyesight, it’s our focus that will help us realise our potential.

Perception or Reality? Is that even the right question?

I was running a session this week where the classic debate took place.  As it gathered pace, people focused upon some of the facts that are holding them back from achieving their true potential as a team.

I heard the classic comment 4 or 5 times from different tables around the room.  “Ah, but is that perception or the reality?”

I can understand this question in the context.  We were focusing upon how perceptions don’t always match the reality and can therefore lead to communication difficulties, inappropriate behaviour and misunderstandings.

The truth is, we always behave according to our perception of the reality so some would say the question doesn’t matter.  Whatever the reality is, it’s the perception of it that would need to change in order to drive a change in behaviour.  To do that we can either look at the same facts from a different angle (see Blog number 1 for the brain as a protractor) or we can change the facts in order to drive a different base point for the perception to form.

Either way; to shift behaviour we must shift perception.  As it’s behaviour that ultimately drives the reality, and perception drives behaviour, it’s the perception that therefore shapes that reality.

So maybe we should ask ourselves a better question.

Rather than 'is that perception or reality?'; perhaps the question should be – “how is my perception shaping that reality?”

It Is What It Is - It Was What It Was.

Walking up the 10th hole this week, I had a moment of clarity.  The 10th hole on the Carrick Course at Loch Lomond that is.  Perhaps one of the most spectacular views in all of golf (or so claims the blurb).  It truly is magnificent.. See the picture and you'll get an idea.

I had just received an email that was - I have to say - a tad frustrating.  My game had gone to shreds as a result as I was finding it difficult to concentrate.  Given that I spend most of my time developing people's self awareness, high performance thinking and a winning mindset, the most annoying thing about this was that I knew exactly what I was doing to myself.

I turned to my playing partner and expressed my frustration - explaining the situation to him.

"It is what it is"... I said to him in a genuine effort to put it into perspective.

Then it hit me..while the 'it' was there, it would remain.  I had to do something rather than just try to forget it.  'It is what it is' had to become 'it was what it was'.  Simply saying it differently shifted the issue in my mind.

To really overcome something, must we not (at least in some way) put it in the past?  Some facts are not great - that is plain.  We can live with them and battle their gnawing effects - or we can DO something and put them behind us properly - and in the process find a solution.

What will you DO to make 'It is what it is' - 'It was what it was'?

*In the end it turned out to be a misunderstanding.  Something that need not be worried about at all.  Isn't hindsight wonderful?  Indeed hindsight is only possible when something IS in the past - sound familiar?